That 1 word you shouldn’t use in your first message

We’ve all been there. You match with someone you think is so amazing only to draw a complete an utter blank. What are you going to say? It’s not like you’re in a bar and you catch a glance of each other from across the whole place and BAM. Sparks fly, universes collide and you just know in your heart of hearts that one of you will come over and approach the other person and say that one word and it’s all over… the rest, so to speak, will be history.


In online dating, the right swipe is the “hey,” so if your first message is also a, “hey” you aren’t showing your originality. In fact, hi, hello and hey received a response message 18-30% less than their more unusual counterparts (i.e., how’s it going, hola, what’s up). I still don’t think you should use ANY OF THESE – but you shouldn’t use hey, which was the worst offender.

There is a reason these dating apps have an amazing little section where you put in a few little words about yourself. Skim it real quick and write a response. Here, we can do a practice session. We will use myself as an example.

IMG_9496So with this bio you can engage me by asking if I caught the Indians game last night, if I’m going to the game tonight/tomorrow. You can ask me what I like writing about… 😉  Or you can ask me about my funny childhood photo (it’s my last photo and I am pulling a weird face – it’s great to have at least 1 photo that it a conversation starter). Let’s move on to another Tinder profile….

1d1.jpgNow with Jamie, it’s a little different. Jamie doesn’t have a bio with her profile, but she’s doing a GREAT job with her her photos – she’s smiling, showing her personality right away, which in turn will increase her right swipes.

Now, as people start engaging Jamie – hey or hi, might seem like the only thing they can and should say since she hasn’t provided anything to go on. But she has provided a lot! “How long have you been hitting the slopes, you look like a pro?” “Man, I wish I could’ve been out with you than day on the slopes! It looks like you had an awesome time.” On to the next one!

tinder-puppy.png I read somewhere there around 10% of Tinder photos have a dog in them (I feel like I must swipe left on everyone without a dog… because I think 99.7% of my matches have a dog… I just love dogs, okay!). I think the best way to engage Taylor is playfully, because that is that sign he is conveying with his entire profile.

Something along the lines of, “Taylor, I don’t know if puppies can read, but will you please tell your owner he is cute.” That will get the job done. 😉


Good luck out there champ – you got this, and don’t you dare say hey ever, ever again.


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