Let’s Not Espresso Your Feelings

If you’ve ever put your heart on the line then you’ve probably been heartbroken or been left feeling hurt at some point. If you haven’t been hurt you might at least be left feeling confused, wondering why your relationship ended – even if you were the one who did the “dumping.”

I know that might be confusing, so hear me out. I have dumped and been dumped by a few guys and then taken a week or two and stopped to reflect and really think to myself, “why did that end?” I mean really end?

Was it because he actually was much farther along in his life and I didn’t see myself fitting in (case in point with our trusty Jake From State Farm friend), was he too racist and homophobic to ever introduce to my friends and family that I never saw a future (*cough* Sports Commentator *cough*), or did things just move too quickly and I got scared and bailed? Regardless of why a relationship ended, sometimes you’re left wondering if maybe you could’ve made it work with that person (except with the sports commentator, that guy was a real a**hole and I wasted a whole 6-weeks trying to make that work).

So when you get the chance to sit down with an “ex” over coffee to catch up, should you? It’s nice in theory, right? I mean spending an hour or two sitting down with someone you once gave a sliver of your heart to does sound nice. But… should you?

It’s been a while since you’ve seen each other, maybe you’ve dated other people. Maybe you’ve fallen in and out of love. Why not get coffee with them. Before you set a time and a place – because it’s not a date, it’s “just coffee with so and so,” here are three tips you should consider:

  1. Why are you going in the first place? What are you looking to get out of this not a date, coffee date? And if it ends up being the total opposite of what you are looking for, can you handle it? It’s important to go into this with an open mind. You both have something to lose and nothing to gain. So go in with an open mind that you could be walking out a little more caffeinated and that’s all. If you walk out of there with the promise of a budding friendship/relationship, that’s a bonus – but do not walk in thinking that’s what will come out of this coffee “date.”
  2. How long has it been? Has enough time passed that you are going to be comfortable seeing your ex? If the answer is no, you need to respectfully decline this adventure. If you think that you can handle seeing your ex, then, by all means, schedule away!
  3. Are you strong enough? If you walk in and the first thing you ex tells you is that they are happy and in love with someone else – are you strong enough to smile and tell them that you are happy for them? If the answer is no, it might be too soon. Additionally, if it’s just coffee and not a way into a new relationship with your ex, you might be left disappointed.

Coffee with an ex is always a tricky thing. I would only go if you are mentally stable and have an open mind. You should go if you are truly happy for them to be in a good place in their life and do not have ulterior motives.

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