No Great Story Ever Started with Someone Eating a Salad

I’ve been trying not to complain during the month of May. I realized that a lot of what I put out into the universe was along the lines of I’m tired, or I barely slept last night, or I am so busy at work or where am I going to find the time?! Then I realized that when you have an interaction with someone a majority of the time when you ask them how they are doing, you don’t care about the response. So, you might as well put good things out into the world.

Enter my monthly resolution for May: try not to complain. And, not to complain right now, but OMG was it hard!

Last week, I had a series of odd and unfortunate events. It all started with a salad, which is how no story in the history of time should ever start. Nonetheless, my worst week began with a salad. On Monday, I was tired from work, and I ordered a salad from UberEats – I know that I could quickly make a salad at home, but my lettuce had gone off and I don’t have to justify this lazy order. I wanted a salad; I ordered a salad. However, when my salad arrived, my UberEats driver promptly threw it at me and called me a bitch for not going outside.

It was the first time a stranger had called me a bitch to my face and meant it. I’ve called myself a bitch a lot, mostly because I do things that are bitchy and sometimes because I am being a bitch. But not going outside to meet my driver whom I didn’t know was at my house does not make me a bitch. I asked people because I needed the validation (see: vapid bitch) and they agreed with me! So, on Monday I was called a bitch unprovoked, great start to the week. Also, he forgot my dressing…

Then came Tuesday! I was thinking my week would be looking up, I had a date with a boy from Tinder, and even if it didn’t work out, I would at least have a story/night out. How naive I was just last week. Within 10 minutes of the date starting, I already knew it wasn’t going to work. I have never feared for my life on a date before, but, you guys, we can now officially check that off the list. During the date, this suitor told me I had a beautiful face and that he “wanted to wear it and look at it all day without being judged.” He also said that he only lives near schools and parks because he likes to see the kids and at some point, I think I blacked out from stress. Eventually, I worked up the courage to tell him that he wasn’t crazy when he asked me if he sounded crazy and I politely excused myself and ran to my car as fast as I could.

Honestly, Tuesday could have been so much worse. Trust your gut, ladies. When your gut is saying this situation isn’t right, we should go… listen.

There were a few other incidents, like all the lights going out in my office, having 2 of my grocery bags break open while carrying my things into my house and not having hot water one day… But, after Tuesday those were nothing.

I would much rather have a minor inconvenience and still live to tell the tale than, you know. Okay, now that that complain-fest is over, back to being fantastic, unbelievable and great. 🙂

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